I had fully intended to update with my thoughts on our hospital stay (great) and first few days at home (stressful, wonderful, confusing) but that will have to wait. Right now I am just frustrated and confused. We had our first pediatrician visit today and we were really excited because we just KNEW Gideon was gaining weight and on track. After a week of stress and colic eating was finally something our boy had under control. With all the stress about his weight loss and feeding issues we had started keeping a spreadsheet of all his nursing times and wet/dirty diapers and for the last several days Gideon has met and exceeded all feeding and diaper goals. So you can imagine we were pretty crushed to find that he weighs exactly the same as he did at our bilirubin check up on Sunday. I sat in the doctor's office devastated and trying to hold back tears as he told me we had to make an appt with the lactation specialist for tomorrow so I could once again be critiqued on my technique.
Sigh
I am so tired of doing this wrong
Oh and Gideon has colic.
and he just woke up...gotta go feed him and then pump for 20 mins
Kristin, you are so loved. This is actually very very normal. It just really sucks and is super hard. Remember when you came up when Nathan was born and he had reflux but we didnt know it yet? And he woke every 45 minutes because he was hungry and we didnt know that I wasnt producing enough milk? People who dont have any problems with a newborn baby are rare :) Please know that we are all here for you and it important to vent! :) is anyone coming over to give you a sleep break?
ReplyDeleteNo, no you're not doing it wrong!! Don't think that! It does feel like going in for a critique sometimes, though, I remember feeling that way. All you can do is keep at it and wait (while hoping) for good patterns to emerge. It's your hormones and Gideon who have to figure it out...which you have no cognitive control over. You, yourself are doing everything you know to do in order to make it all work - and you're not doing it wrong. Pumping for 20 minutes after feeding is a perfect example of your dedication to this whole thing - it is not easy to coordinate that and it's very frustrating to dedicate every waking minute to those kinds of tasks and feel like it might not even be working. Boy, I remember having to do that, too and wishing I were taking a shower or having a cup of tea rather than pumping for the umpteenth time! I worried that that was my new "normal" and thinking I'd just have to get used to living life like that. Of course within a couple months it had all changed...and there were new and different challenges, sure, but many that had been overcome with the simple passing of time. Just give it some more time. Thinking of you. -E
ReplyDeleteThis is so normal!!!! I had the same trouble with Simon. Every DR. is different but mine was just happy that he hadn't lost weight. We did end up having to supplement because I did not produce enough milk but I continued to nurse and pump every 2 hours for 9 weeks to attempt to give him every drop of my milk that could. It will be very trying but you can do it, and it will be worth it. One word of advise is relax and take any help that is offered and don't be afraid to ask for help with anything that you need help with. I hope yall get into a better routine soon.
ReplyDeletep.s. My friends little girl had colic and gripe water helped as well as chamomile tea. I know they tell you not to give him anything but your milk but when you get to the point when you are about to loose your mind one will try just about anything.